attributable greasily: Jersey Shore High Five: Vinny Leaves?!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Jersey Shore High Five: Vinny Leaves?!

Plus: Pauly gets burned ... and robbed.
By Jim Cantiello

Vinny on "Jersey Shore" on Thursday
Photo: MTV

Thursday night's "Jersey Shore" brought back season-one hookups and introduced a new kleptomaniac, while Pauly's "GTL" game is all out of whack thanks to a gnarly tanning-bed sunburn. Plus, Vinny's anxiety disorder caught up with him and the fan favorite moved out of the house for some R&R. Oh no! Click on the embedded video below to catch my five favorite moments from this week's "Jersey Shore."

5. Jionni Gets Wet
After the gang got caught in the rain, Snooki's man Jionni needed some dry threads.

What a guy the Situation is! Gives Jionni the clothes off his back and gives America the need for brain bleach yet again when he brings up the rumor that Snooki's mouth and his "situation" are intimately familiar with each other. Woof.

4. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
At Karma, the girls got a little tipsy. Obvs. And Deena shared an adorable euphemism for getting her sex on.

I wonder what Snooki calls it!

So in other words, sex with Deena is like winning a trip to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and sex with Snooki is like a flavorless, usually dry overcooked slab of meat. Noted.

3. Face Off
DJ Pauly D said, "Screw SPF" and ended up S-O-L. That sound could only mean one thing: A "Jersey Shore" r-r-r-r-r-remix!!!

2. Sticky-Fingered Hookup
Later, Pauly got down with a DTF girl, but as soon as the smooshing ended, Pauly's long national nightmare began ...

To add insult to injury, DTF girl turned out to be Winona Ryder with a touch of that crazy Israeli girl from season one. Because the next day? "Ding dong, here's your chain that I stole. Yay, I'm back on television! Hi, mom, I'm a star!" God help us if she keeps coming back to find her missing shoes. I'm on to you, shady lady.

1. Vinny Leaves?!
Ugh, feelings? Boring! Get drunk, f--- a girl ... I don't watch this show for touchy-feely crap. Boooo!

But seriously, poor Vinny says he's having severe anxiety attacks. I know what will make him feel better. Vinny, smack Snooki in the face with your balls.

Still depressed? Hmm, that usually works. I don't know what's gonna happen!

Vinny actually left?!?

So now who has the biggest penis in the house? This is important, "Jersey Shore"! Don't leave us hangin'! Pun intended?

For continuing "Jersey Shore" coverage, be sure to check in with MTV's Remote Control blog.

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